Showing Love through Mindful Parenting

This is one of my favorite times of year. I usually buy special plates and cups with hearts or cupids on them (they are hard to avoid if you pop into Target or Pottery Barn Kids in early February).   Breakfast on Valentine’s day is usually pink pancakes cut with a heart shape cookie cutter. I give the kids a little present to open in the morning and I pop a special valentine treat in their lunch to surprise them when they are at school. It’s just such a fun time to shower my children with love.

This year, however, I have been busier than usual. I have started a parenting consulting business and that has meant that instead of perusing the goodies at target or the recipes on Pinterest I have been networking and marketing.  I realized with a jolt this morning that I didn’t buy anything special for the kids for Valentine’s day (to be honest, I am still racking my brain for a last minute gift for my husband).

And then it hit me. The other place I have been putting my energy is in attending and preparing training’s on Self-Regulation and Mindfulness. And the more I put energy into understanding these topics the easier it has been to translate these lessons into my every-day life. It is one thing to “know” how important it is to be truly present while I am parenting, and it is another thing to actually practice it intentionally. Don’t get me wrong. I have always loved to spend time with my kids– but often when I am with them, my mind is in six other places. (Making to-do lists, planning dinner, making a memo to schedule a flu shot and a second memo to buy a birthday present for my daughter’s best friend.) I do my best to smile and listen as my son is talking or as my daughter asks me to watch her do a cartwheel for the millionth time. But, rarely am I truly present.

Lucky for me, my family loves me anyway. Recently, though, I decided that this isn’t enough and I have started making a concerted effort to be present in more of the tasks I do. I can’t completely avoid multi-tasking because, to be honest, there is always way too much to be done.   But when I do start to multi-task, I can take a moment to determine if it is out of necessity or just a bad habit.  Most of the time, as a busy mom, thinking about just one thing at a time never even crosses my mind as an option.

When I do focus, an amazing thing happens. Almost immediately, in the space where all the other busy thoughts used to be, gratitude slips in to fill the void. Whether it is eating a snack (mindfully), working on my new business (mindfully), or tucking my kids in (mindfully), when I take a breath and stop myself from thinking about anything else except for the present moment, I find myself filled with gratitude for what I have.

So that is what I am going to give my family for Valentine’s Day. I know I won’t be a perfect mom tomorrow, but my present to my son and daughter will be quality time for at least a half an hour with each of them. I will ask them what they want to do with me, set the timer on my phone, and for 30 minutes I will work hard at focusing on just them. I have a feeling that what I will be grateful for in that moment is that even though I am not perfect, they still love me. Even if they don’t have a new heart shaped plate on which to eat their breakfast this Valentine’s day.