Don’t Forget to Breathe: Incorporating Lessons From the Yoga Mat into Parenting

I first started doing yoga seriously when I was pregnant with my first child.  It was in my prenatal yoga class that I started to truly connect with my daughter.  With one hand resting on my growing belly and the other on my heart, I could imagine her little face, a mirror of my own.  Of course, once she was born I had a lot less time to focus on my yoga practice.  We did go to an itsy-bitsy yoga class for her, and that is where we met our first mommy/baby friends, and where our own mother daughter bond continued to grow.  Years later, after we moved to Charlotte, I started taking yoga again.  This time, though, the focus was on me.  I would drop my children at preschool and then cherish the hour focused solely on myself. I found it comforting and challenging.  I loved how quickly I could see growth in my practice and how, no matter how good I got, there was always so much more to learn.

In time, I focused as much on my breath as I did on the poses.  I focused on my transitions and on trying to still my mind during Shavasana (the final resting pose at the end of every class).  And then, this year a funny thing happened.   For the first time I realized that I was able to start to use my teachers’ cues outside of the yoga room.   One of my favorite things about yoga has always been that no matter how frustrating my morning starts, by the end I leave feeling grateful and full of peace.  When a teacher instructs, “breathe through this difficult pose,” or “focus on the intention you set for yourself at the beginning of class” the advice always works. Teachers also always promise that if we practice this in class, we will learn to use this skill in the real world off of our mats.

And then it happened. One night as my son laid on the floor and refused to get ready for bed I heard the words “don’t forget to breathe” in my head.  I took a moment (and a deep breath) to consider which pose this challenging moment was like.  It wasn’t downward dog or warrior one.  It was a hard pose. This was a 90 second forearm plank.  My body was stiff, my heart was racing and my mind was headed towards fight or flight mode.   And then there was that voice again “when you own your breath no one can steal your peace.”  With one more breath I calmed my heart and stilled my angry thoughts, and peace rushed in.  I remembered that I was the adult and my son was just being six years old after a long day.  I exhaled and bent down to give him a hug and a tickle, and, like that, the pose was over.

Just as it is important to take a moment to set our intentions at the beginning of a yoga class, it is equally important for us to set our intentions each morning we wake up and have to parent.  Some mornings now, I choose kindness.  Others, I choose patience.  I know what my goals are for my children and what kind of adults I want them to grow up to be, and this is my drishti, my long view.  When I am in a tricky moment and there doesn’t seem to be a right answer I try to remember my intentions.  Sometimes that means that instead of going to bed at 7 on a Friday night we stay up late making memories with friends.  Sometimes it means that instead of getting twenty minutes of reading done at the end of the day, my daughter and I cuddle and talk about what has been bothering her in school. Parenting isn’t easy and there is not one right way to do it.  But if I remember to breathe and to focus on my intentions, then my connection with my children is nurtured and the balance of our lives tips toward peace.